The Dick Salsa Diaries #1: Living the Roguelike Life

I used to know nothing about savescrumming, procedural generation, and permadeath.

Then, I started to see every indie game ever include rogue something like the primary or only feature. "It's a shooter with rogue-lite elements." "It's Pong but the paddles and puck are procedurally generated." "It's just shapes and numbers for walls, but the shapes do something different every time."

To get to the bottom of this trend, and understand this genre, I knew I would have to do something drastic. Something big. Something spicy.

That's when I decided to live the rogue life.

Life Generated a Day at a Time

I start out each day by reaching into my fridge without looking, grabbing something for breakfast at random. Sometimes it's eggs. Sometimes it's baking soda. That's all part of the rogue life.

Dating used to be a matter of swiping left time after time until a worthy match showed up. Shame on me for savescrumming. Now, I swipe right the first time, every time. The results? Not as mixed as you would think (hats off to you, bird-collecting plumber lady from the South Side).

This new way of life has taught me so much. Like that GPSes are for pansies. There is so much more replayability in the morning commute when you take turns at random. Never the same drive twice - that's the way Dick "Rogue" Salsa gets to work at varying times each day.

Sometimes I wonder if others have joined me on my rogue life adventure.

For example, does this sign mean “high voltage?” Or did it change to mean “scream your lightning bolts here?” There’s only one way to find out.

Tickets to Super Bowl, or tickets to the Opera? Brushing your teeth with toothpaste, or slapping yourself in the mouth with a curling iron? Nothing makes the toilet shine like aftershave and a nail file.

Roguey Reflections

Just like pool cleaning and landscaping, I was awesome at living the rogue life. Now, I don’t rogue-lite. I rogue hard. I don’t roguelike. I rogue love.

Once you start on the Roguelife path, there's no going back.